It's all about the blondes Edit 5 Sept 2007
by Nervepillen
Summary: Three people meet on the net, discussing the blondes in their lives. Crossover: BtvS, SG1, Hp.
1. The start

**New AN:** All right! I have not been on this site for quite some time, but here I am. I decided to read some of my stuff, and I decided that I had to so something about this story. Some of the spelling errors need to die, and I really need to work on something resembling a plot.

For now, I am only trying to fix the spelling stuff, but soon I will have enough time to work fully on this story.

I only have four exams left! Woo!

-Nervepillen

**Old AN:** Okay. This is an answer to a challenge posted on Twisting the Hellmouth, the challenge is at the bottom of the page if you want to read it.

The timelines are: Some unknown time after 'Smashed' for Buffy, unknown time for SGI, - although no ascended Daniel and no promotion for Jack yet. Harry Potter is post his graduation, he is in the auror academy, it is still unknown (even for me, stupid muses) if Voldemort is dead or not.

Please take notice that English **is **my second language, and that there might be some weird mistakes from me.

Reviews are always loved!

**Disclaimer:** If you know it, I probably do not own it. And since I am pretty, young, no money to sue, so do not bother ;)

I hope that sums it up pretty much.

Arthwen.

-----

**The start.**

-BadMan has logged on.

Such a small thing as someone logging on for the first time in a chat room,

-GoldenBoi has logged on.

It can change everything. Many things can be discussed, because most of the time, you know you will never meet the person, and therefore ranting is not as embarrassing.

-SpacemonkeyGuardian has logged on.

It all started a day not so long ago.

Spike sat in his crypt, somehow Clem had gotten a phone line there, and afterwards it was not so hard to have an internet connection and the laptop he had stolen from Red, she would not notice anyway, she had just gotten a new one.

Now to make this infernal machine work!

Harry Potter sat in his flat in London, the new rules in the wizarding world said that Aurors needed to know a lot about the muggle world. Thus, he was sitting with a new computer in front of him.

Ron had bough it for him, - with the help of Hermione of course, since Ron still called it a 'machine from hell', - at his 19 birthday, a very nice gesture from the couple.

Now if he could just make the infernal machine work!

Jack O'Neill was hiding the one place he was sure he would not be found, the labs. The main computer room to be precise. And he intended to stay there until Anise was long gone, the damn woman was lethal in any way possible, and he was not going to be her willing lab-rat. No sirree.

And since she would be here for at least one day, he had to entertain himself somehow, without the help of the others, since they had not made it away in time.

He stared at the beeping monster in front of him, he could do this.

All he had to do was to make this infernal machine work!

**TBC**

813 Annoy tiny, blonde one. Annoy like the wind.

Online Chat room conversations, wherein the characters can vent, swap stories, and seek advice pertaining to their respective Blondes.

Must Have:  
**Spike, talking about Buffy.**  
And two or more of the following characters:  
Lex Luthor, talking about Chloe Sullivan (Smallville)  
Logan Echolls, talking about Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)  
**Jack, talking about Sam (Stargate SG1)  
**Gil Grissom, talking about Catharine Willows (CSI)  
**Harry Potter, talking about Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)  
**Luke Girardi, talking about Grace Polk (Joan of Arcadia)  
Seth Cohen, talking about Ryan Attwood (The O.C.)  
Other (one that I haven't thought of.)

Rules:  
The pairings don't have to be romantic, but I would prefer it if some of them were, use your discretion.  
Characters must use interesting handles, both for themselves and their Blondes.  
Must contain at least two mentions of character appropriate weirdness. Ex: Demons, Magic, Wormholes, Other planets, Other Dimensions, Meteor freaks, etc.  
Can be a one-shot, or chapter by chapter pov style.  
Try for humour over angst.  
Have fun ;-)  
EmlynII


	2. Spike

**Old****AN: **All disclaimer, challenge, timeline and such is placed on first page.  
**New AN:** This chapter has been edited, if any mistakes are seen, please tell me.

**Spike**

A clattering that seemed to go on forever disturbed the silence around the tomb.

Of course the man, - if he could be called that,- behind it didn't care if something found the sound endearing, he was after all one of the big bads, no one would dare interrupt him.

He sighed as he realised that, that safety also relied on being The Slayers 'pet', as the others at Willie's often proclaimed loudly, much to his own dismay.

But for now he could forget the troubles outside, as the walls of the tomb was lighted by a blue flickering light, that of a stolen,- no, i>borrowed /i>,- laptop.

Since Buffy was avoiding him once again, he was being very bored, and now, this 'web' deal seemed to be his only release, - no! No thinking that word! – From this mind torturing would be to figure this out.

Ahhh! And they said an old dog could not learn new tricks!

The screen was now filled with a box. Blank at that, but still, it was improvement.

Feeling very good with himself he clicked the button called 'Favourites' as watched with detached amusement as it scrolled down.

Angels and Demons.

Beasts of the moon.

Calling of Quortoth.

Daring the Day.

And the list just went on and on like that, did Red really have nothing else than the hellmouth on her mind?

Entertainment? Yes, that might work. But what was this?

Video

Dvd

Cinema

Chat

Chat it was! Talking to someone around the globe seemed like a good idea, someone who did not know what a hellmouth, slayer, or a real demon was. Perhaps some teenager he could charm or someone who also knew heartache.

-BadMan has logged on.

He fought the urge to giggle, big bads did not giggle, in any way.

He was a big bad.

But this place seemed to be badder. The names and notes rolled faster down the screen than he could intercept and he was very fast growing agitated, how the bloody hell was someone supposed to understand this crap?

Lol? Brb? Lmao? What was this? It seemed that these people had their very own language. Fyarl he could understand, geek, no.

Blondie143: Hi BigBad, how are u?

Hello there pet. He smirked slightly, someone had noticed him. Now to answer the little lady.

BigBad: Hello luv, I am great, and you?

**TBC**


	3. Harry

**Old AN**: To those who wrote a review, I love you! You so saved my day! Therefore, I decided to write another chapter now, and let my math wait for later. ;)

Btw, I do not know how long this will be, I will need least one more for Jack, and then three more, one for each of them, and there will probably be at least three more after that. Any ideas, or constructive criticism, give it to me. :D

**New AN: **This chapter has been edited, if any mistakes are seen, please tell me.

**Harry **

He could do this, he had to do this! He was the-boy-who-lived for Christ sake!

BEEP

He was tempted to pull out his wand and zap the thing into submission; it had helped with the toaster... If you ignored the smoke.

Aah! He smiled happily, as the screen turned on with a quiet buzzing sound. It was somewhat soothing although the steady blinking could turn out to be a pain.

Now all he had to was click that button, and that that one. There, now he should be able to go online.

Restart! He groaned and slapped his forehead; he had just spent half an hour turning the blasted thing on! Hmm, if he pressed that button and marked restart it might do it all by itself.

He pressed it and crossed his fingers while sending a small prayer to anyone who might be listening.

What the hell...? Walty's free dame jewellery? Where? How? And most important, what was that and how had it ended up on his computer screen?

It flashed at him and changed into Madam Lingo's Shop for big me- he stopped reading and blushed furiously.

And it flashed again, this time into what seemed to be an advertisement from a restaurant. Luis and Leroy's all times seafood. Delivery right to the door.

He scratched the bridge of his nose and clicked the small red cross in the corner. And with a sigh of relief as the 'thing' disappeared, he simply moved the mouse to the icon saying Internet.

Since Ron and Hermione was now out of town, actually somewhere in Tanzania, the rest of the Weasley's was in Egypt visiting Bill and most of the Order busy with the ongoing war with Voldemort, he was pretty much left to himself, still guarded all the time of course.

This meant that without a proper escort, he was not able to go outside his appartment.

But he had heard Ginny talking about some fellow she had met in a chat, - which Molly highly disapproved of, - and it quirked him. Talking to someone who did not see him as Harry Potter, Mr. Perfect, all the time.

It could not be that difficult finding a page with some kind of chat. Could it?

Ooh, 'Favourites'. That had to be good.

And yes, chat. Though there were a lot of them, almost too many it seemed, how was he supposed to choose?

Only one thing left to do, the same thing that had gotten him through the final exams in Hogwarts.

He closed his eyes and clicked.

Name and password, too easy.

-GoldenBoi has logged on.

**TBC **


	4. Jack

**Old AN**: Disclaimer and such, lookie at first chapter! ;)

- Arthwen

**New AN: **This chapter has been edited, if any mistakes are seen, please tell me.

**Jack**

He was starting to regret his choice. He should have gone to the kitchen instead, free jello and all.

But nooooo, he had to go to the labs, to the computers. Stupid machines-of-doom, someone was probably out there laughing their ass off at him.

And where the hell was Carter when you needed her?

Oh right, Anise. The she-man. He shuddered and hunched over slightly more, he did not want to be found yet. Or more precisely, at all. That woman was just plain scary, although he would never admit it, creepy, yes. Scary, no way in hell.

Poor Teal'C, if he had not been so stoic and well, for lack of better words, stiff. He could probably have escaped too. Daniel was in his office, literally buried in books, and Carter wanted to greet her fathers as he arrived. Not that Jack had anything against Jacob; it was just the whole snake-in-head-probably-gnawing-on-your-brain thing.

Nasty business.

Nope, zat 'em and bag 'em. Good motto for the snakeheads. And it most likely the reason why he and his kids were the most hunted by the Goa'uld. That and the fact that Teal'C was a former Prime turned good. They did not like that either.

CLICK

He jumped and almost pushed the screen down from the table, why the hell did not they warn you about that kind of stuff! An 8'0 foot tall killer with two zats he would take head on without blinking... Yes, he would!

But this! Again, the conspiracy thoughts came back, someone was definitely laughing at him... Loudly.

Then suddenly he smirked as the screen picture showed Daniel clad in boxers, this had to be an admires computer, and he was so teasing Daniel about it. Or blackmailing the owner, depended on whose it was.

Now all he had to do was remember what Carter had been teaching him about computers.

Five minutes later, he was still staring at the screen, mind you, he was dumb, he just had a tendency to block out all geek-babbles from both Daniel and Sa-Carter.

He leaned closer to and skimmed through the names of the small button thingies.

Trashcan would not do, neither would documents, who knew what kind of horrors was in there, ah, internet.

He clicked happily and sat back a little, stretching his neck until it made a series of pops and cracks. Something he knew got the Teal'C, although that was one of the things, he would never tell. Nevertheless, Jack could see the tiny twitch in the stoic mans eyebrows.

Oh, ho oh, chat! He broke his little internal talk to, well, himself. And started reading the text.

Here was one that could be fun: Supernatural discussions.

After all, he did know a bit about wormholes and all that jazz.

-SpacemonkeyGuardian has logged on.

**TBC **


	5. All new beginnings start somewhere

**Old AN**: Heh, I just noticed that in chapter one, the girl Spike starts talking to is named Blondie143. Did not realise that until now. Slightly embarrassed.

But, here is a little thing, not really sure what it is, and if it's even a chapter, but since I'm still very busy (exams in three days!) this'll have to do.

But I felt like I needed to write something, also if someone has any ideas to how I should write this (I already got some, but I seem to be stuck,) or if someone wants to continue themselves (I'm not giving up on it yet, but it's not really closed for others, just... But an extra disclaimer? Mjeh.)

I just hope I am not taking things too fast or something. Oh well, the show must go on!

Morena Evensong: Hush! No more talking about Jacks cleverness, we all know it is there, but shhh! And Jacks monolog was actually an inner thing I had going with myself earlier that day, but perhaps I should not say that? Smirk.

All please remember that English is my second language. If you see any weird spellings, tell me, and I will try to correct it.

Disclaimer and challenge, look at first page!

**New AN**: This chapter has been edited, but there are still spelling mistakes, these are when people internet-talk. (must… kill.) However, if you see a mistake that's not a part of the internet speech, then please tell me.

**All new beginnings start somewhere **

A chat room is something special, some people go there to discuss the meaning of life, and some do it to role-play, some to meet new people, and some to stop boredom.

As far as it has been seen here, three persons have logged on, all for the first time. And somewhere in the higher realms, body less creatures watch with fascination as some of the 'heroes' of the world meet, without even knowing.

BadMan: Sorry luv, already taken, but thanks for the offer though.

Spike growled, he had meant to flirt a bit, but this girl has practically thrown herself at him, with various promises of web cam and such, what the bloody hell was a web cam?

Harry snickered to himself, seemed like someone was having a good night, even if it was slightly disturbing.

GoldenBoi: Hello everybody!

Merlin's beard! His screen was swarmed with new messages, some from the people in the room with several meanings, - some of them rather high rated, - and some more advertises. Blasted!

Jack sat, mouth agape and eyes almost falling out of their sockets. This was what innocent children and teenagers said when they thought the parents were not there? He was definitely making sure Janet knew of this, Cassie was not going to get anywhere near these sort of things, not if he could prevent it.

SpacemonkeyGuardian: Anyone here not a hormone filled teenager?

-BadMan: Yes, anyone here with an actual brain, instead of that puddle of goo most seem to have?

-Rissa19: **giggles **ur cute 2 Clem!

-GoldenBoi: I'd be bloody surprised if anyone besides me is capable to understand what you're saying.

-BadMan: English, mate?

-GoldenBoi: What gave it away? My stunning looks?

-SpacemonkeyGuardian: ...

-GoldenBoi: What? ... Come on! It is a joke!

-BadMan: I agree with monkeyman here, mate.

-CaliMale22: Any hot chicks wanna chat privatly?

-GoldenBoi: **pouts **Sure, gang up on me, will you.

-SpacemonkeyGuardian: I despise monkey names! I'm a very highly developed human, you know.

-BadMan: Well, looks like your brain was the last in line for that mate.

-GoldenBoi: Stop!

-Privat Chat-

-GoldenBoi joined.

-BadMan joined.

-SpacemonkeyGuardian joined.

-GoldenBoi: Ahhh, silence!

-BadMan: Why did you that? What did you do?

-GoldenBoi: I invited you and monkeyman to a private conversation.

-SpacemonkeyGuardian: Heeeeey!

**Old AND new AN2: **Sorry, I have to break this up now, I seem to be a little stuck, and I'm not sure if I'm keeping this chappie, it's just a try at the moment.


	6. Private Hell

AN: Wow, I actually wrote something. Oo M'kay, usual goes. I don't own anything but the story, English is my second language, and a new thing! Slash warning! If you don't want to read about a boy on boy crush, then head back! Here thar be sea-monsters! (giggle)

Since it's been a while since I last wrote fanfic, I'm sure my writing style has changed, just so everyone knows.

Private hell

"Oh sweet Merlin, please be online!" His hands were shaking. No, his whole body was bloody shaking. Could this day get any worse?  
"Bloody!" Thunk "Hell!" He smashed his head against the desk again.

A beep followed by some whistling noises alerted him. A precise click and seconds later GoldenBoi was online.  
Unfortunately neither of his 'net-pals' were.

"Time differences. Right."

What to do? He couldn't head out again, he'd told his 'guards' he'd stay in, and there was also the possibility that he might run into-  
Quickly stopping that train of thought's he slammed his head down again.

"Ow."

----

It'd started out as a perfectly normal day. Get up, wash, eat, get guards and leave for the Ministry. Of course the fact that there had been no warm water, that his breakfast had been burnt on one end and frozen on the other - what was up with Dobby? - and he'd interrupted two of his guardians during you-know-what, hadn't stopped him from hoping that it'd be a good day.

Then he had shown up at work, - apparently passing the safety measures with no problems - with a great, big smirk on his face. Smug bastard.  
Then his boss had informed him that, no, he couldn't hex the git, since he was his newest case. He was to protect, not damage.

Damnation to it all.

This meant they had to spend most of their days together, stay in the same house, for the love of God, the only thing they basically didn't have to go together was shower!

His boss had encouraged him to sleep in the same room, the same bed as that... That!

"I can almost see the hamster running in there, Potter"  
The cool, smooth, suave voice stopped him from pondering over what words would have described the bane of his existence - well, if you ignored Voldemort, that is. -

"Malfoy. Shut up!"

AN: Yeah, as short as ever. 


End file.
